Now THIS is what pisses ME off…
Oh boy Ted…if you didn’t piss me off enough last time…you somehow did it again! You’re better at pissing me off than actually doing your job! To start off…I feel the need to tell you a little bit more about our dear friend Ted. Ted is about my age…and still lives at home. He claims he is living at home to save money…yet he buys all these toys, and shit he does not need. Like a motorcycle…or a golf cart…and takes work off to go on all these little “vacations” and brags about his toys…and how awesome his vacations were. The other day he says to me “Oh dude, you should totally get a bike dude…they are so fun dude…dude.”
WELL DUDE! YA KNOW WHAT..DUDE? I would possibly consider buying one…but I live in the real world buddy. I have more important things to spend money on. Like RENT, electric bills, water bills, student loans and my girlfriend. Just to name a few. Ya see…you don’t have to pay rent, electric, or water…because you’re still “that guy”. The guy who lives at home with his parents when he should be living on his own. Movies are made about “that guy.” Usually starring Will Ferrell. The parents may act like they love having him around, but throughout the movie are lying in bed at night secretly plotting how to get their deadbeat son out of the damn house! I don’t see this being any different in real life. I’m sick of hearing how awesome all your shit is. You know what I think is awesome? My apartment…mainly because my parents DON’T live there!
You don’t have to worry about school loans because you never tried to go…I went…just wasn’t for me. You didn’t go because I think deep down you know you’re too stupid to succeed. So you figured, “Hey, why waste my money trying to get an education and maybe do something with my life? Especially when I can live at home and suck all the money and fun out of what little life my parents have left.”
You don’t have to worry about paying for your girlfriend and buying her stuff because SHOCKingly you don’t have one!! Then you bitch to me about how you can’t get a girlfriend. I don’t know buddy, maybe you should move out of your mom’s house? Yes I know you think that all your toys will increase your chances of getting laid…but living at home deletes any advantage that your “Sweet bike” might have initially given you. Taking the girl back to your mom’s house and parking next to her Buick doesn’t exactly make you seem like a “keeper” to any female.
And as for your vacations. They suck! So I don’t wanna hear about them. You take your vacations to Knocksville, Iowa to watch some stupid races. Why in the hell would you think I would even give the smallest shit about it? Especially when you know I despise car racing of any sort. It’s not even a real sport. Fuck NASCAR. I also don’t care how cool you think those shit bars down there are. Sorry, but any bar named “The Dingus” is not a place I’d wanna hang out and drink at. Sounds more like a place I’d want to burn to the ground while cackling with evil joy!
So come now Ted. Do me a favor…don’t brag about anything you buy or do while you still live at mommy’s house. And please do your parents a favor and move out. They have had to deal with your dumbass for long enough already. I think it’s time to give them a break. Maybe next time your mommy tucks you in you should ask her if she actually wants you to still live there, and I think we both know what her answer is going to be.
But hey…maybe that’s just me.
See the first post about Ted.
Check out all other Rants by Rantonio Rantana.
